A Companion Word for 2009

My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and give praise.
Awake, my glory!
Awake, lute and harp!
I will awaken the dawn.
I will praise You, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing to You among the nations.
For Your mercy reaches unto the heavens,
And Your truth unto the clouds.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.
Psalm 57:7-11

This is the portion of scripture that the Lord spoke to my heart during the closing prayer in our Sunday service yesterday. I’m calling it a companion word from the Lord, because just like the Lord has given Harvest Church a word for 2009 regarding the harvest – the lost – a promise from Psalm 65 in which God is watering the soil (the hearts of men) in preparation for an ingathering – the Lord also has a word for those in the church – a word pertaining to their own hearts in this season of the Lord’s abundant watering.
For the last two months, I have heard the song in the Spirit over the church. The song of the Lord is “My Love Endures Forever”. And I am still hearing that song!
Now I hear the Lord calling to the church to awaken and begin to sing that song back to Him.
In the scriptures above, the word “steadfast” in regard to our heart means “stable, established, securely determined, to prepare, to be ready”.
Not only is the Lord telling us that He is watering the earth in preparation for a harvest of souls, He is calling us to be prepared, to be ready.
On a personal note… In May of 1999, the Lord spoke a word to my heart from 1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.”
As I read Psalm 57 this morning, the Lord spoke to me that this season is fulfilled – or come to its fullness. By faith, I am saying that the Lord has completed this word in my life – that I am restored, strong, firm and steadfast.
But this word is not for me only. This word is for those who are reading this message.
I say to you, along with my own soul – AWAKE!
When the psalmist said “Awake, my glory”, do you know what “glory” meant?
It is astonishing considering the word of the Lord to us in this season!
It means “abundance, riches, honor, reputation.”
ABUNDANCE.
That is amazing!
We are to say “Awake, my abundance” – just like Pastor Tim encouraged us to be praying yesterday during his message. Do you see why I believe this is a companion word to us? It goes hand in hand with what the Lord spoke.
What does it mean to “awake”? “To rouse oneself, to stir up, to be excited, triumphant, to act in an aroused (or awakened) manner.”
When the psalmist committed and said, “I will awaken the dawn”, he was saying, “I will awaken at the dawn.” The “dawn” is the beginning of something. I say that in the Spirit, the Lord is calling us to awaken to His word at the beginning. Do not hesitate. Awaken your abundance now. Respond to the word of the Lord immediately.
In many ways, my heart and mind have been in a fog this year. I have wrestled with my own heart before the Lord and I am believing that the fog has lifted and that abundance and victory await me and my family.
My circumstances have not changed. But the word of the Lord is not based on circumstances. The word of the Lord is true IN SPITE OF the circumstances!


My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and give praise.
Awake, my glory!
Awake, lute and harp!
I will awaken the dawn.
I will praise You, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing to You among the nations.
For Your mercy reaches unto the heavens,
And Your truth unto the clouds.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.
Psalm 57:7-11

Colors

I love colors - colors of all kinds - especially when they are seen in concert with one another.

Some great places to see colors in this way?

Crayons!

Haha!

I know, it may seem silly for a 46 year old woman to say that (and I don't mind telling you I'm 46 because everyone says I look younger than my age ;).

I have always loved crayons - probably for two reasons.

The first is that I adore the sight of colors - they bring me deep joy.

The second reason I love crayons is that I enjoy coloring. Yes, you heard right - a woman of my age enjoys coloring - and drawing - and painting - all of which I don't take near enough time to do in this season.

And I don't love just any crayons - all crayons are not created equal.

Some come with dulled colors.

Some have dull papers.

Some are waxy and don't produce bright hues.

Some of the papers are waxy, making the crayons difficult to hold.

So if you're considering purchasing crayons for someone you love, you really must get the best.

And from what I've found, that means you must get the original - Crayola.

No, this isn't really a commercial for Crayola - and I will not be compensated by their company. I just happen to have enough experience with crayons to know a good crayon when I see one!

Where else do I find color that brings me joy?

I have a candle holder in my bathroom window. I keep the holder there because it has little plastic prisms hanging from it that create the most beautiful rainbows of color when the sun hits it just right. The whole room can fill with little swatches of color - what JOY!

So if you're looking for something to brighten a dreary, winter day - find color.

Open a box of crayons, shine a light through a prism... anything.

I promise you will instantly be smiling.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost (1923)

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Eva K. Logue

A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;

It makes no noise at all,

But softly gives itself away;

While quite unselfish, it grows small.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?"

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The Boy is a Man

When we start having babies, most of us don't look way into the future to realize that they will one day grow up, leave us, become adults...
Somewhere along the road of their growth, we begin to realize just this. We are raising them to become self-sufficient (or in the case of those of us who are Christians - God-sufficient). We raise them to leave home - to make their own mark on society - to fulfill whatever dreams and plans God placed in their hearts even before they were born.
It is a joyful and sad time.
Today is a joyous and proud day for me. My firstborn is 18 today. He is already on his own in most ways - living away at college, paying his own bills (what few he has), doing his own laundry, making his own decisions.
Is he making wise choices?
I pray he is!
And I do pray for him often. I want him to succeed in passionately following God's heart for him.
So, today, on his 18th birthday, I pray this...
Matthew, follow the heart of God toward the destiny He has for you.
That's it.
The Bible tells us in Matthew 6:25-34 in reference to those things we need "But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
That is my heart for you Matthew - that you would seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness.
Happy 18th Birthday!

"For man, autumn is a time of harvest, of gathering together.
For nature, it is a time of sowing, of scattering abroad."
- Edwin Way Teale

This post began with a thought of deep inner sighing - not of sorrowful sighing, but of joyful, filling sighing. The type of sighing one experiences when seeing something beautiful. I love the colors of autumn leaves. They bring deep joy into my soul.
I remember a year when I carefully filled a bag with autumn leaves from my driveway, praying over each one as I did. I gave the bag of leaves as part of a birthday gift to a special friend. What I was giving her that year was a piece of my heart - of my joy - and of my prayers.
I cannot think about beautiful autumn leaves and be sad - just can't do it!
So I ponder...
Then I found the above quote, and my heart leapt within me. A time of sowing and scattering abroad.
The Kingdom of God is like that.
We are always to be sowing and scattering abroad - the love of Jesus - His Word as encouragement or challenge to others.
In a season that seems to point to the coming "death" of winter, I see possibility. I see already the coming of spring with its new life. And I know that just as nature is preparing by sowing and scattering, there is a sowing in the Spirit in these days...
So do not see death - see the possibility of Life.

A Voice in the Desert...

Psalm 112:1,2
Praise the LORD.
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
Who finds great delight in His commands.
His children will be mighty in the land;
The generation of the upright will be blessed.

I've done a post on my two oldest children. It's time to introduce everyone to momma's "baby" - my Abigail - "Abigator" as many affectionately call her.
Abigail has always been quiet - until recently. She is blooming and becoming quite a voice in many ways! As a matter of fact, just a few days ago, I had to ask her to please speak more quietly as she was literally hurting my ears.
Abigail is one that didn't talk much until she was more than two years old. But why did she need to? She had these big brown eyes and the sweetest spirit about her that all she had to do was look at someone to melt them. So much was communicated through who she was. I remember the first time we went to Wilmington, NC to visit my Uncle David and Aunt Myra. Our oldest two were invited to spend the night with them, but Abigail was not quite big enough yet. Matthew was probably 10 and Katherine 8. That left us alone in the car with 5 year old Abigail. What happened was magical! At one point, she began to talk and didn't stop. Both Jeff and I turned around to get a good look at this chatter-box that had suddenly appeared in our back seat. WHERE had she come from?! What we discovered was that she was a deep thinker who had lived so long in the shadow of her older siblings that we'd never heard all she had to say.
But the story doesn't really start there. As Christians, we all want to know our purpose on earth - our calling - our gifts. Yes, we are all meant to glorify God in a general sense. But there is a special expression that God has given each of us in bringing Him glory. With Abigail, God pointed out that special calling before she was talking - at about the age of 2.
I vividly remember she and I being in my closet hanging up clothes. Well, I was hanging up clothes while she sat at my feet looking adorable as usual with those big brown eyes. Remember, she was a late talker, and at this stage she rarely said anything at all. As I worked, I heard this quiet voice below me saying, "Power of God. Power of God." She repeated this over and over again, and in that moment the Holy Spirit showed me the call to deep intercession that was upon her life.
More recently, Abigail has been struggling and wanting to know the call on her life. She's been frustrated, but she has persisted in asking God to show her. A few weeks ago, the Lord graciously revealed to her that calling - one of being a voice for her generation - one of intercession for the lost and for those who are not serious about their relationship with God.
And Abigail has found her voice! I am hearing things come from my daughter's spirit that are deeply passionate for the Lord, and as a mom, I could not be more excited or pleased. This is what I long for - that my children will walk with God.
That brings me to introduce you to Abigail's blog. At 13, she is articulate and passionate and that comes through in her writing. Please take the time to visit and read...

http://abigailkear.blogspot.com/

Bring Back the Laughter!

The last several months have been hard for us in many ways. I had major surgery. Our son moved out to go to college. My husband's business has not been doing well, so money is tighter than it has been since we first got married.
I'm the type that tends to shut down when things are hard. I withdraw into myself. I spend more time being quiet. I hone in more sharply to my relationship with God.
But this time, one thing has been different. I've forgotten to laugh with my best friend - my husband Jeff.
We've spent too many days now in quiet - trying not to say all the things that are troubling our hearts. Therefore, we've not talked as much in this season as we usually do. And I've missed that talking.
If I'm going to tell anyone anything, it's going to be Jeff. He usually hears way more than he'd probably like to! But lately I haven't wanted to put my worries and fears on him, because I know he has enough of his own. So I've kept it all tightly bottled inside.
Last night was different. All of our children were gone. Matthew is home from college, but was out with his guy friends for guys' night. The girls were at dance class. We sat down to eat dinner - a vegetable beef soup made entirely from Sunday's left-overs. And it was really good too!
Just before dinner, Jeff and I were talking about an article I'd started reading in Reader's Digest. It was about a family who decided that for one month they would spend nothing. Yes, they paid the house payment, bought only the bare necessities in groceries - things like that. What they did not spend on was sometimes quite hilarious; sometimes quite practical.
For example, wouldn't you know that their tub blurbled up with this black goo just as they'd vowed not to spend money that month. So what did they do? They looked up home remedies on the internet of what to do in such a case and fixed the goo themselves - pirating the neighbor's internet signal!
The man got up early and read his neighbor's newspaper, returning it before he ever awoke.
Their poor 4 year old son was getting bored - used to outings with Dad to get ice-cream, play games, etc. So the dad excitedly asked if the son wanted to go ride in a silver chariot and eat food and look at neat stuff. The son excitedly yelled - yea! Where did he take him? To the local Costco to ride around in a shopping cart, look at the neat stuff, and eat free samples!
We were totally cracking up at this point! THERE was the laughter I had so missed. It filled me like nothing else can.
Then we pondered - as we've been doing the last few weeks - while this is funny and this family probably makes a nice income and can afford to "play" at this, we have had a need recently to cut back on as much as we can. What could we take away from this article in a practical sense - beyond our laughter :)
Well, you know what? I can "pirate" my parents internet - they're just next door. And I tried it too! It was really slow... I'm so spoiled.
I can borrow their newspapers when they're done with them - and this I know they won't mind at all as my dad puts them in the recycle when he's read them.
I took stock of our cleaners this morning. We're pretty good there, but if it comes time to buy new cleaners and money is still tight, I know I can pirate my parents internet to look up homemade cleaner recipes - HA!
More than any other thing though. I'm so thankful to the Lord for restoring my joy. Today I am excited, joyful, have new and creative ideas for survival in tough economic times. And I have my best friend back - most important of all!

He's Coming Home!

No, he's not coming home forever - just for a visit.
That's what grown sons do.
We must be especially blessed, because I hear from my other friends with college-aged children that their son or daughter gets only two days off for fall break.
Matthew will be with us for nine whole days!
I'm anxiously awaiting my hug...

My Favorite Time of Year

Autumn is my favorite time of year for many reasons.
I love that first cool “nip” in the air.
I love the first hint of color while the leaves remain on the trees – especially the red of the dogwood.
I love the possibility of snow, and that certain scent on the breeze.
I love s’mores on the first fire of the season.
I love the renewed energy I get to simplify by removing unused items from our home.
I love the holidays with their special foods and opportunities to gather with friends and family.
But for some reason, and maybe it’s because I was in Cambodia for two weeks, this autumn season sort of sneaked up on me.
I left East Tennessee for our trip to Cambodia and we had warm weather. The weather in Cambodia was unseasonably cool, yet was in the upper 70’s at night and low to mid 80’s during the day.
So imagine my surprise when we landed back in Knoxville and I felt the need for a jacket!
As I said, I somehow missed those tell-tale signs of autumn. Was it because those signs came in those two weeks while I was gone? I’m concerned that it was because I’d been too focused on other things to notice the time of year – the season – that was approaching.
Is my life like that also? Have I failed to notice the season I’m in at different times? I’m sure I have.
During our time of worship this past Sunday, we sang songs about the Lord’s return – about seeing Him – about dancing on golden streets. And while that should be a joyful thought for the Christian, I found myself overwhelmed by thoughts of the lost. I found myself physically grieving for those who do not yet know. I wondered – Would they be ready? What if the Lord came today, or tomorrow? Would my Uncle David and Aunt Myra, for example, be ready to meet the Lord Jesus Christ face to face? I was afraid the answer would be “no”, and my heart was broken. I couldn’t even worship in that moment, but instead found myself in intercession for their souls.
Then I was reminded of how Jesus came to earth the first time as a humble servant. And I was reminded of His return, which would be in a much different manner of His first coming. When he returns to the earth, He will come in judgment. Will He find faith on the earth? When He comes again, it will be too late for repentance. Are we spending time repenting now? Before it’s too late? Oh my heart aches…
In Matthew 25 one finds the parable of the ten virgins. All ten of these young ladies had lamps with oil. But only five of them brought extra oil, signifying to me a true relationship with Jesus Christ – one that cannot be shaken by worldly trials or even by materialism. These five ladies were prepared for the coming of the Lord, and once He did return, there was nothing more that could be done for the other five who were not prepared. They were left outside of the feast.
Then one reads the parable of the talents. All of us have been given gifts or talents from God – even those who do not serve Him have gifts. But what are we who do belong to Him doing with what He has given us? Are we effectually burying them and not using them for fear that we won’t do things quite properly? Or are we living in God’s grace, knowing that He will embolden and bless our efforts to use what we have for His Kingdom? What will our reward be when He returns? Will He say to us – Good and faithful servant? Or will He turn His back on us?
Finally, and most heart-rending to me, is the parable of the sheep and the goats. Both thought they were doing the will of their master. But only the sheep had actually captured the heart of their Master by hearing His voice, loving not their own lives, and doing His will. They did His will for His glory.
The goats? They did good works. They did nice things. But for who’s glory? Their works were for either their own glory or a misguided attempt to earn the Master’s approval. We cannot earn His approval.
The Word of God is clear in that Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and no man comes to the Father except through Me.”
Lord, draw the hearts of those I love to Yourself. Work in them so that you will find faith there.
And Lord, work in my heart so that You will find faith… I live for nothing else!

Cambodia trip - part Buen

I went around the house yesterday for a little while without shoes – just to remind myself of Cambodia where it is impolite to wear your shoes inside. My feet got crumbs and water on them and yes, the memories of constantly dirty feet returned. In the hot weather, the cool tile floors felt nice. But here in East TN where the weather is beginning to be cooler, I needed to put my shoes back on.
We spent at least part of each day in prayer for the nation of Cambodia. A few days we took time to split into smaller teams and walk different ways to our favorite restaurant and spend time praying as we walked. Many of us found ourselves praying for the leaders and business owners in Kampot, knowing that they carry great influence and if won to Christ would be a tremendous asset in helping the young church there spread the Gospel.
We went to the market one day and walked through the stalls in an attitude of prayer. Of course, we also had to get in just a little bit of trouble along the way. Sarah, Katherine and I were caught with our shoes on in one of the shops. Evidently one must also remove her shoes when in a tiled store in the market. From then on, we were careful not to step on the tile.
Another day we traveled to a church building that is no longer in use to pray and ask the Lord if this building could be a blessing to the new church Vutha would plant in Kampot (at this writing, the new church had its first meeting last Sunday morning! So they will meet in homes or wherever until the Lord says otherwise). This particular building was somewhat of a contradiction as it had a Christian cross painted above the doorway, while it also had symbols of Buddhism in other decorative places. Were the previous tenants confused? We were unsure.
We took two different days to spend time praying at the schools the children are attending. The first school was for K-8th grade, where most of the children attend. The second school is for 9th – 12th grade (the one mentioned in an earlier post). Both schools are Buddhist. Therefore, all the Heritage House children will face a challenge to their faith each day in that they will be swimming upstream against the religion of their nation. Again, please remember to pray for them as often as possible.
We also found ourselves praying for the children on other prayer walks through the city – and not just Heritage House’s children, but all the children in the city. I don’t know how many times I saw a young person or a young child out alone – riding a bike or in the street and my heart ached for them. Maybe you’re thinking they’re safe enough, but Cambodia is not really a safe place for children as they are often mistreated in ways I’d rather not go into. The Lord must bring justice to the young in Cambodia as they are crying out in their hearts for love and freedom!
I know that freedom will come through the Gospel of Jesus Christ as it spreads in the cities and towns of Cambodia.
As it stands now, there is a missions team consisting of a young couple and their daughter, dorm moms, and several children ages 2 to 18 who will be faithful to cry out for freedom in their city.
Please join them in their cry!

I'm the Boy You Never Had?!

I'll get back to my Cambodia posts soon...
The above statement was made by my 15 (16 as of November 1st) year old daughter who just Saturday night broke either her hand or the base of her pinky finger.
Keep in mind that I do have a son. But she claims he's the "nerdy" type who works on computers, reads, etc. She's not wrong - although since he's been in college he's been diving into volleyball and swing dancing ;).
Katherine - Roonie - has always been a bit of a tomboy - although I hate that term, because she's a graceful, beautiful young lady! But if there was a boy around who was trying to out-run or out-wrestle her, she'd rise to the challenge. She is VERY competitive physically and will not tolerate being "beat" by anyone.
So when she came home Saturday night from a youth group outreach with a broken limb (yet to fully be determined - we'll know later this afternoon after visiting the orthopedic clinic), that was her comment to my sighing about yet another doctor visit.
I'm the boy you never had, Mom.
Yea.
This is not the first of her injuries (or her sister Abigail's). Both girls dance so there is always the strained this, the sprained that, the sore this, the damaged that.
But Katherine was quick to announce (and too proudly say) - My first break!! She thinks a broken limb is exciting. I'm convinced that's because she doesn't have to pay the unending medical bills...
Oh - and a little bit of a "mom" ramble..
Both doctor's offices hinted at my inability to be a good parent because I had not taken her to the ER Saturday night. "Both", meaning my primary care physician's office and the orthopedic office. You mean you didn't take her to the ER late Saturday night and sit for hours only to pay 4 to 5 times what it will cost you today? Call me a bad parent, then! ;) We do have her hand/finger splinted with the good old-fashioned tongue depresser / medical tape. What do you think they did in the days before hospitals and ER's?

Cambodia trip - part By

But before we began our physical work. we walked the property and prayed over every inch, both inside and out. We also spent some time worshipping (me on a broken keyboard with no pedal, and Shane (Kristen's brother) on a barely tuned guitar). Thankfully, it was not the lack of proper instruments that the Lord heard, but the voices and hearts lifted in praise to Him.
We were setting the property apart for the work of the Kingdom of God. We were "taking ground" in the Spirit. The Heritage House children and staff are being sent out as evangelists in Kampot and prayer coverage is a must. God's Word is clear in that no man comes to faith unless he is drawn by the Father (yes, that includes women too ;). John 6:44 says this: No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent me draws him...
There is no drawing without the prayers of the saints. God has chosen the preaching of the Gospel as the means for salvation, and the preaching of the Gospel (the good news of Jesus Christ) goes hand in hand with prayer.
Therefore, will you please pray for Heritage House's staff and children that they will be effective witnesses for Jesus Christ in Kampot?

Once prayer and worship concluded, we got to work scrubbing bathrooms. Sarah and I tackled the office bathroom, while Heather tackled bathroom #2, and Srey #3. What a "fun" job! But it was honestly a blessing to see the bathrooms clean and ready to be used by our team and all of Heritage House.
Then off to the paint store to pick out colors. I remembered what some experts have said about choosing no more than 3 colors, so went with that in mind. Yes, Lewis allowed me to pick the colors! That was a truly fun part of my job. When we got to the paint store, and please do not imagine your local Lowe's or Home Depot here. No. The paint store was a household type store - very small and jam-packed with everything imaginable. The store employee produced a color chart, which surprised me. I wasn't sure how we'd go about choosing colors. So I chose three colors - one a brick red (although more on the brown side), one a sage green, and one a wheat yellow. They went to the back to get our paint. I naively thought they were going to mix colors, but no. They had premixed paint in 5 gallon containers. They were out of two of the colors I had chosen and there was no ordering the color in. We would have to choose two more colors. So I looked at the one color we did have and tried to pick two that would still coordinate in tone and depth. We finally settled upon 3 colors that were in stock and proceeded to pick out paint brushes, rollers, etc. Oh, how I wish we had brought our own brushes! They had the "stubbiest" brushes that I knew would be difficult for cutting in. But we determined to do the best with what we had.
How were we to know that when we opened the yellow paint, it would look more like sheetrock mud? David Butler, our hardest working man on the team, was very puzzled by the look of the paint. We tried to read the bucket - no luck. Were we supposed to add water? Was this some strange Cambodian paint? We finally decided that we had no choice but to water it down if we wanted it to stay on our brushes and rollers. So someone rigged up a drill with a mixer paddle so that we could have ready-to-use paint.
We started with the office and moved into the common areas as they would be yellow. The ladies' rooms would all be done in the reddish brown, and the boys' rooms would be the green, which ended up more of a dark sea-foam green than a sage. At one point, I had the idea that it would be nice to do some contrasting walls in some of the common rooms. So two walls in the kitchen, and one in the living area are/will be red. I say "will be" because some roof repairs will need to be done before that will be finished by the Heritage House staff. We also contrasted the upper wall vents in red. The home took on a dramatic change in appearance!

At this point, all of our days were running together, so forgive me that I do not remember which day it was when the rest of the staff and children arrived! But oh were the children precious! They were shy at first, but it didn't take long for them to smile and greet the team. Some helped them move in and get their beds set up, while others continued to clean and paint. The home quickly filled with the laughter and chatter of little voices. Everyone was excited!
Sarah and I led worship with everyone one night, but by far it was more precious when we gathered with Heritage House on other nights and two of the teens led prayer and worship. It was a joy to see them stepping into leadership roles and taking ownership of their roles in the body of Christ. Therefore, none of us minded giving up places of leadership in deference to the children.

Cambodia trip - part Bee

Our trip began at 4:00 Tuesday morning, September 9th.
We left for the airport in Knoxville and arrived at 5:30 only to find out our plane had been delayed by around 2 hours.
Already we were concerned about making connecting flights in Atlanta and Los Angeles.
We checked our luggage through to Bangkok, Thailand and waited for our flight.
Our trip was uneventful until we reached L.A where we literally had to run from the domestic flight area to the international flight area to catch our plane to Seoul, Korea. We made it - just minutes before they were taking off. We even had Asiana Air employees running with us to make sure we would get to the gate.
Since we were so late in getting on board, our previous group seats had been given away and we were scattered throughout the plane sitting by total strangers - mostly Asian.
I ended up beside a Korean lady who spoke no English - we spent lots of time saying "thank you" to each other for various reasons, and smiling :)
On the other side of me - yes, I ended up in a middle seat for the 13 hour flight - was a Vietnamese man who said he was a Christian, but after listening to his conversation and the things that interested him, I doubt he was really a Christian.
I made several trips to the back of the plane (I was near the front) to visit with Katherine and to stretch my legs. I watched two or three movies - there was no sleeping on the plane for me!
What a relief it was to arrive in Seoul, Korea and then to move on to Thailand where we stayed overnight at the Sara Inn - a real bed with some real sleep!
Unfortunately, due to us having to run to catch our flight in LA, our checked luggage didn't make it onto our flight. So we spent the night in Thailand with what each of us had in our carry-on bags, which was not much, but enough to get by on.
We were positive that all of you were praying when we discovered that we would indeed receive our luggage in Phnom Penh, Cambodia the next day and would not have to go without it the entire two weeks.
Two of the men on our team stayed in Phnom Penh to get our luggage while the rest of us got into the back of a pick-up truck to make the 3 hour trip to Kampot. Yes, 3 hours in the back of a pick-up truck... there were bench seats on either side of the truck bed that we sat on - and bounced on. There were times when we literally left our seats with the bumping around on the dirt road. We mostly laughed each time this happened, further evidence of the grace of God with us. We sang songs and prayed and some even slept. Sarah and Katherine were at the very back of the bed and I was afraid they'd both be bounced out when they fell asleep! But we lost no one.
We arrived in Kampot at about 2:00 a.m. Cambodia time - which is 11 hours ahead of Eastern time. We checked into our motel sans luggage and went straight to sleep. The rooms were nice - they had a.c., two double beds, a fan, and a bathroom. The bathroom was unusual. It was a tiled room with a shower head, sink and toilet all combined. There was a drain by the shower head.
Each morning, we were awakened by the Buddhists going to the pagoda next door to make offerings. They chanted as the sun rose.

On our first morning in Kampot, we found a nice restaurant that I mentioned in my previous e-mail - the Coco House. I had pancakes with banana and honey almost every morning. The pancakes were more like thick crepes, but very good.
After breakfast, we headed to Heritage House's new home. The orphanage is housed in the private residence of a widow who agreed to rent to them. When you enter the property by a sliding, decorative, metal gate, you see a beautiful yard with shade trees and flowers. Granted, the yard did require some cleaning up, but was still very nice. The house has a covered front porch, on which we left our shoes as it is impolite to wear shoes in Cambodian homes. The house is huge - and was very dirty. When one first enters, there is a very large living area with two bedrooms off to the left. The first bedroom was prepared as an office, the second was prepared for the head dorm mom. Both bedrooms had their own bathrooms, which were very dirty and had to be scrubbed from top to bottom. After going through the doorway from the living area, one was in a large hall area with a bedroom on either side. The bedroom with bathroom to the left was for another dorm mom. The bedroom to the right was one of the boys' dorm rooms - with no bathroom.
Continuing forward, one came upon the kitchen/dining area, which stretched very wide from left to right. To the right was a door that went out to a tiled area where much of the food prep was done, as well as cleaning of dishes. This was an outdoor area. To the left was plenty of space for the long tables that the children and staff sat at for meals. Straight ahead was another boys' dorm room with bath area.
Continuing left past the dining area were the door to what appeared to be a garage area, and the stairs to the second level. On the second level was a loft area, and two more bedrooms - one with and one without a bathroom. These two rooms were for a dorm mom, and for all the girls. There is also a covered porch area upstairs.
After touring the house, we knew we had lots of work ahead and that we needed to work as quickly as we could to be ready before the children arrived in two days.

Cambodia trip - part Moi

For anyone wanting to know part of how our trip went, here is a copy of what I sent to our church e-mail groups - we arrived home at about 11:45 p.m. Tuesday.

We're finally home - well, we got home last night at about 11:45 after dropping Jonathan off at his apartment.
We stayed up until almost 1:00 getting a shower, eating something, telling about our trip, etc.
Then I was pretty much falling asleep as Jeff prayed over me before we went to sleep.
As I was in the shower last night, I really got a sense in the Spirit that the enemy was very angry with our team and with the Khmer Christians still in Cambodia, and that he was going to try to interrupt our sleep with nightmares. So I prayed and asked Jeff to also pray.
This morning, I told Katherine about it, and she told me that she had had the same thoughts and had also prayed before going to sleep.
That tells me that contrary to the negativity I was hearing from the enemy in my heart at times on the trip, we were having great effect in Cambodia!
In particular, as we prayed at the high school that three of the Heritage House children will attend (Coy, Marie, and Srey) there was great spiritual darkness that met us. I was hearing in my heart a cry that said our prayers would have no effect there - that we were wasting our time and if anything would only barely scratch the surface of what was needed for that area. As we wrestled on in prayer, Lewis told us that it was very likely that the campus had previously been a concentration/torture camp during the reign of the Khmer Rouge - a place of horrible atrocities in the past. It was evident that the spiritual climate over the school grounds was very dark. So we prayed, prophesied, sang, and spoke prophetically over that area in great measure and I believe we had GREAT effect - contrary to the voice of the enemy.
With that said, please remember to pray for the three who will attend classes there - they will need the Lord's protection and boldness. They may well be the only Christians in the school and they will certainly face difficulty as the whole school is required to make prayers to Buddha as part of their training. Please pray for the wisdom of the Lord for them also.
I feel that our greatest effect was in prayer, though I know that Vutha (pronounced Woota) also told Lewis that our team unity and the way we worked together was a great example for the Khmer children and dorm moms. Vutha said that he has been trying to train the children and moms to work together to accomplish their work, but that they are used to doing only their own work and not helping one another. He said that our working together made an excellent example of what he's been trying to teach.
Our team consisted of those who are used to leading within their own churches. What we found was that each person was willing to submit to one another to accomplish the different tasks. No one fought for leadership; everyone "fought" to simply serve.
The city of Kampot (pronounced as it sounds - Cam-pot) is a great city. It's small - at least in comparison to the very busy and very loud city of Phnom Penh (pronounced P-nom Pen). We walked everywhere we went - except when it was raining and the Heritage House truck was available. It rained a little every day, but was by no means a wash-out. The people are friendly, kind, and gentle. Oh, but their driving! :) They are quite daring in their driving - horns honking - moving in all areas of the road. One sees bicycles, motos, cars, and people walking everywhere. We did see a few wrecks, but no one was seriously injured - thankfully.
We ate most meals at the Coco House - a sweet little restaurant in the city. Three ladies were there to serve us each day - they lived above the restaurant as is common for business owners in the area. They greeted us each morning with beautiful smiles. Srey Moi (meaning Girl One - no kidding!) was our main server and she spoke great English. We were very sad when we had to tell them we would be leaving the next day to begin our trip home. But we were able to buy a Bible for each of the ladies and give them an additional $20 tip each to thank them for their hospitality while we were there. Also Lewis asked Vutha to let them know that if they had any questions about the book or about Christianity, they could talk with Pheakedey (I'm not sure I spelled that correctly, but it is pronounced Peck-a-dye, who is Vutha's wife). Already there is an opportunity for friendship evangelism!
I know I have much more to tell, but honestly, I'm so tired ;)
I slept 12 hours last night and could already head to bed again and it's only 9:00.
So, I will leave you all for now.
I promise to send out more information over the next few days and would love to answer any questions anyone may have.
Thank you to everyone who prayed over our trip - we were effective because your prayers were effective!
With love in the Lord Jesus Christ,
Maria

p.s. please continue to pray for our team as we adjust to being back in an eastern time zone. It's very hard to adjust back! And Katherine is sick with a stuffy nose, cough, stomach upset, 104 fever. Our doctor friend from church will come by to check on her after work today.

Jesus Christ Also "Remains"

Just as we are told to remain in Christ in John 14, I've discovered that
there is a place where Christ "remains" in our lives.
Our son has been going through a season of establishing his faith in
his Savior for himself. What I mean by that is that every one of us
must come to a place where we decide to serve Jesus Christ not
because our parents do, but because we as individuals have chosen
that we will serve Him all our days.
Matthew said to his dad and I last night that he is glad he's "made
that decision before he goes off to college." That brought a smile to
my face. One because I'm excited for him, and two because I
realize that he'll have to daily make that decision. Do you think he
knows that yet? No matter, God is in control in his life.
As I was pondering the last several months in Matthew's life, the Lord
brought to my heart the fact that he's been after his heart. He has
wanted Matthew's heart and He has been doing what is necessary to
get it.
As I pondered, I had my Bible open in my lap. When I looked down, I
saw this verse -
Proverbs 17:3 "The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the
Lord tests the heart."
It was exciting to me that as my heart pondered the work of the Lord
in my son's heart, the Lord confirmed to me that I was thinking His
thoughts. Any time I am assured that I am in tune with God's heart,
it is a precious moment!
As I read more scripture pertaining to God testing and proving our hearts,
I came across a verse that I shared with Matthew to encourage him in
this season.
That verse is Malachi 3:3 - and the point of this entry's title.
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites
and refine them like gold and silver. Then the Lord will have men who
will bring offerings in righteousness."
That is what God has been doing in Matthew. And that is what God will
do in you and me. He will "sit as a refiner". The word "sit" means that He
will "remain" in a place as our refiner and purifier. I know that means
He will fulfill this special place our entire lives.
How do I know that? Because it will take our entire lives to give ourselves
to Him. It will take our entire lives to be conformed to the image of
Jesus Christ.
Lord, I'm thankful to know that as I remain "in" You, You will "remain" as
a refiner and purifier in my life, making me (a Levite - one who is "joined to"
God) ready to bring offerings in righteousness.

Remain in Me

How many times I have read these words! But I've never truly
understood them - not fully. But lately, the Holy Spirit is causing
the scripture to be so alive in my heart, that I am eager to search
Jesus' words with these new eyes of mine!
In my ongoing study, the Lord opened up to me one more verse -
John 15:4 "Remain in Me and I will remain in you. No branch can
bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear
fruit unless you remain in Me."
"Remain in me" seems to be the key thought in this verse. What
does it mean to "remain" or "abide" in Jesus Christ? Is it simply a
matter of choosing not to turn my back on my faith? No. It's much
more than that.
"Abide" means "to journey, to be kept continually, in reference to time
- to continue to be, to last, to endure."
The word "endure" caught my attention as I remembered that those
who endure to the end will be saved. And indeed, the word is similar
in the original Greek. For "remain", the word is "meno". For "endure",
the word is "hupomeno". So I'm on the right track.
"Hupomeno" is another fascinating word in meaning. It means, "Under
misfortunes and trials to hold fast to one's faith in Jesus Christ / to endure
bravely and calmly ill treatments."
And what does "saved" mean as used in Matthew 24:13 (those who endure
until the end, the same shall be saved). "Sozo" (saved) means "to rescue from
danger or destruction - to save from evils which obstruct the reception of the
Messianic deliverance."
Suddenly, "abide" took on new meaning. This picture of the vine and the branch
was a picture of true salvation - of being in Christ and remaining in Christ
until the end. "Abide" has true eternal meaning for the Christian.
Now I know that I must abide, remain, endure to the end. How must I, the
"branch", respond while abiding?
No branch can bear fruit by itself... The "branch" or "klema" is a tender and
flexible branch, a vine sprout. I must be tender and flexible as a branch. I must
be willing for the Lord to bend me when necessary. I must be willing to change,
to repent, to listen to His words and obey them. If I'm flexible, I'm a true branch.
When I considered the word "sprout", I had the thought of the sprout being the
same plant as the vine to which it is attached. It has the same DNA, the same
characteristics, the same purpose, the same physical appearance, bears the
same fruit. If that sprout was somehow detached from the vine, it would quickly
die, because all its life-source would be cut off.
Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me... Again, without the vine
our source of life is cut off. Life is in us only through the vine - Jesus Christ
(as we discovered in verses 1-3). If we are not attached to "life", "death" is
working within us.
A branch cannot bear fruit... Cannot is "dunamai", signifying the power of
the Holy Spirit in our lives being removed if we do not "abide". If we do not
abide, not only is there death produced in us, but we have no effectiveness,
no anointing as a Christian in this world.
And I will remain in you... When Jesus said this, He meant "in" you as a fixed,
unmoveable position within us. What a wonderful promise! He will never
leave us nor forsake us, as His word says!
My final thought is focused on the fruit we will bear when we remain in Him.
The fruit, or "karpos", means "to gather fruit into life eternal (as into a granary),
is used in figurative discourse of those who by their labors have fitted souls to
obtain eternal life."
I immediately asked the Lord what a "fitted soul" was. Our "souls" refer to our
mind, our will, our emotions - who we are humanly speaking. Our "fitted souls"
refers to the fruit we bear - the outward proof that we are His - the works we do
that prove our salvation - that we are a true branch attached to the Vine.
Our salvation is begun by faith in Jesus Christ. Our faith in Jesus Christ is
then proved to be real by the fruit we bear - our works prove that we are His.
Those who are bearing fruit have "fitted souls" - they "bear fruit".
Are you a true branch? Check to see that you are bearing eternal fruit....

My Time With the Lord

A few weeks ago, a precious man that I've known almost all my
life came to impart wisdom to the body of Harvest Church. This
man mentored my dad when he pastored a church, laid hands on me
and prophesied the word of the Lord before I went on my first
mission trip in my early 20's. I trust him and I value what he
says - so much so that I made a conscious decision to heed his
words when he told our body we would do well to study the same
three chapters in scripture that he had spent countless hours
studying for himself. If it's good enough for a man who has
walked with the Lord many years, it is good enough for me!
So I've been reading John 14-16. Well, in all honesty, the Lord
would not allow me to move past John 14 for several days. I had
to first internalize the fact that I am "not to let my heart be
troubled." I don't mean just read it - I mean "get" it deep into
my heart and soul.
Today, he allowed me to go to John chapter 15, but I was only
prompted to study the first 3 verses! But what a wealth I found
in those first 3 verses.
I saw that Jesus is the "true vine", and that it is His Father who
is the gardener. It is the Father who prunes the fruitful branches
so that they will bear even more fruit.
I noticed that in the Greek, the word for "prunes" is also the same
word for "cleanses". As a matter of fact, the Greek word "Kathairo"
means to cleanse of filth and impurity. So when the Father is pruning
us, He is cleansing us from sin. (Interesting personal note - my oldest
daughter's name is Katherine, which means "pure" - wow...)
The Father is cleansing His Church right now. Have you noticed?
What does the Father use to cleanse us? In verse 3, Jesus says, "You
are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you."
It is His Word that cleanses us. How do I know that?
In Psalm 119:9 His Word says, "We keep our way pure by living
according to His Word."
In John 17:17 His Word says, "We are sanctified by the truth."
God's Word is truth - Jesus Christ is truth.
In Ephesians 5:25, 26 His Word says, "...just as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her
by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to
himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other
blemish, but holy and blameless."
He gave Himself up for us, the church, to make us holy - to cleanse
us.
Why are we being purified? Is it simply so that we will be clean
or is there purpose in us being clean?
According to I Peter 1:22 through 2:12 (please read for yourself),
In verse 22 - now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the
truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers... love one
another deeply.
We are being purified "so that we will have sincere love for one
another." But does the purpose end there?
No. It does not. If you read the above mentioned passage, you'll
see in chapter 2, verse 9 that we are being purified so that we
may love one another and so that we "may declare the praises of him
who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
And in verse 12 - we see the ultimate reason for being cleansed.
"Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse
you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God
on the day he visits us."
ALL of what the Father is doing in cleansing us is to bring glory
to Himself.
So if you are bearing fruit, be cleansed (or pruned) by obeying
His Word. Then you will love your brother. Then the world will
see the glory of the Father, and some will believe...

College preparation

August 23rd is so close!
I'm getting excited - yes, I really am. I know I'll miss
Matthew, but this is the direction of the Lord for his life
so I'm very excited to see what God will do with Matthew
both academically and spiritually over the next four years.
Abigail and I went to Walmart today to buy a few things for
Matthew. We bought a twin XL sheet set with comforter -
army tan in color - nothing "girly"! An extra sheet set in
dark teal - looks so nice with the brown. We got a set of
towels in chocolate brown - 2 bath, 2 hand, and 2 washcloths.
And we found this really neat laundry bag - heavy duty with a
strap for carrying and a pocket to tuck detergent and softener
into.
Abigail was joking around that it didn't matter to get him
two laundry bags to separate lights from darks. She's
convinced that he'll come home with all his clothes the same
color. I told her that he knows perfectly well how to do
his own laundry and that I expect his clothes will be just fine.
What I'm more thinking is how often will he wash his clothes,
towels, sheets, etc.... That's part of why I got two sets of
sheets - to remind him that they should be washed! haha!
Abigail is also pricing little things to finish decorating
Matthew's room once she moves in. She's going with a chocolate
brown and sage green color scheme. Katherine will keep the sage
green and deep purple color scheme in the room the girls share
now.
There's still a good size list of other things needed. But we'll
wait until closer to the time - maybe even until the day we move
him. There's a Super Walmart right down the road for anything it
looks like he'll need once we get there.

Have You Heard?

John 5:25 says, "I tell you the truth, a time is coming
and has now come when the dead will hear the voice of
the Son of God and those who hear will live."
This week, during my quiet time, I came across this
verse and it struck my heart in a strong, prophetic
way. "The dead will hear... and will live."
What an incredible promise of salvation to those who will
believe!
Come, now is the time to worship
Come, now is the time to give your heart
Come, just as you are to worship
Come, just as you are before your God
Come!
One day every tongue will confess, "You are God!"
One day every knee will bow
Still the greatest treasure remains for those
Who gladly choose You now...

It's official!

Katherine and I are going with a team to Cambodia in September.
We are following what we believe to be the Holy Spirit's
confirmation to "go to the other side of the world", now
that it's been ten years since the prophetic word came.
I'm excited and nervous! I'm already praying, fasting, and
continuing my devotional time so that I'll be more ready to
be a blessing when we get there.
And I'm daily seeking to be filled with the Holy Spirit, so that
He will work through us and we won't be guilty of giving to
anyone out of our flesh. How worthless that would be!
We have a verse of encouragement from the Lord as we go...
Proverbs 19:17 He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord,
and he will reward him for what he has done.

Feeling safe to be honest...

Do I feel safe in being honest because there is probably no one
reading this? Partially :) - ha! But what if someone does
read what I've written? Maybe it will encourage them in their
fears...
A lot has happened since we last "talked". Jeff was praying
a few mornings ago, then mentioned to me that he was asking
the Lord about me going to Cambodia with Katherine. I want to
go, but I know the trip will not be an easy one. Am I "up"
for the trip? Yes, by God's grace, I can do all things.
So now the consideration is for both of us to go. Jeff
talked to our missionary friend to ask if a middle-aged woman
and a 15 year old girl would be of benefit to him in Cambodia.
He said, "Yes!". As a matter of fact, he said they'd been
praying that an older lady would go to help with the younger
girls and their adjustments outside the country - among other
things.
So, am I (are we) going?
We don't know yet.
We just came back from Honduras and will not be sending out
support letters AGAIN. So if we're to go, the Lord will have
to show us from where the money will come.
The last trip was about $6,000 for the four of us that went.
This one will be about $4,000 for just the two of us.
The money doesn't concern me as much as the very long
plane ride does - 20-something hours in the air. I do not
sleep on planes... so I was awake last night for a good while
considering not sleeping on the plane - silly, I know!
Oh well - if it is the Lord's plan that we make this trip, He
will confirm it.
So I wait...
Will you please help us pray?!

My heart is unsure...
Letting go of your kids is sometimes hard, sometimes a
little easier.
Today I'm faced with something that is harder for me.
Our daughter Katherine came to Jeff and me last night
and asked us to pray about something with her. She
wants to make a trip to Cambodia in September with a
team from our church. She wants to submit to our
authority as parents. It wasn't my 15 year old
daughter that we talked to last night. It was a young
woman who is called of God and passionate for seeing
others serve Jesus Christ.
We've known for years that the call of God was on her
life in the area of evangelism and missions. I'd just
hoped she'd be older before she left the country
without me!
Let me back up a little. At the age of 5, Katherine
came to me. I was reading my Bible, having my daily
devotional time with the Lord. Usually the kids knew
not to interrupt, but truth is that when they're little
they do interrupt. And if we're good parents, we smile
and listen to them, knowing that an interruption is no
big thing to God.
She came into the room with an announcement. "Mom." she
said, "In ten years, I'm going to the other side of the
world as a missionary." She was FIVE, so I started to
dismiss her with a laugh. But the Holy Spirit stopped
me short, telling me to listen to what she was saying
because she was prophesying. So we went to the globe
and looked together to see what was on "the other side
of the world." I saw China. But as I looked at a map
of Cambodia again this morning, guess what I noticed?
Yes, Cambodia is directly south of China. Cambodia is
on the "other side of the world".
Sigh... I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I know and
trust the missionary she would be traveling with, but
she seems so young.
Lord, not my will, but Yours. She is yours after all.

I am NOT losing my mind... I hope... :)
Most of you know I had surgery April 15th - a hysterectomy.
It took me about 7 weeks plus to begin to feel better physically.
As a matter of fact, I was concerned that my health would not
be at full strength for a recent mission trip to Honduras with a
team from my church. But God, always faithful, saw fit to give
me renewed strength and health just days before our team left.
But what about my mind?
Ha! It's still a little "foggy". Is it premenopause? Is it stress?
Is it a busy life? Probably "yes" to all.
A friend recently pointed out to me that my mental state is
probably also being affected by the fact that my 17 year old son
will be leaving to go to college on August 23rd. Leaving... gone...
I haven't wrapped my mind around that one yet.
I know he's ready. I know he has heard the Lord on where he is
to go to college, and Jeff and I are both confident this is the time
and the place for Matthew's continued physical and spiritual
education. I'm excited for him.
But I think I haven't come to terms yet with the fact that my
first-born is leaving home. He is going away and will become
the young man God has called him to be. And I will miss him.
I'll miss his smile, his hugs, his silly humor, his gentle way, and
yes, even his aggravating arguing...
I'm sure his leaving won't fully hit my heart and mind until we come
home Saturday afternoon after having moved all his possessions into
his dorm room.
I'll stay busy, I'm sure. I have my husband to hang out with. I'm one
step closer to it being just the two of us, which I do look forward to in
many ways.
I have two more children at home who are in a season of very much
needing their mom - my two girls who are almost 13 and 16.
And as we laugh and say often "WE are best friends!"
But the adjustment will be strange. They will miss Matthew.
I will miss him. Jeff will miss him.
I'll get back with all of you along about November to let you know
how the family is adjusting to having one less member living
here - and to let you know how Abigail and Katherine are
enjoying each having their own room for the first time ever!

Rejoice Always?

Philippians 4:4-9 says this: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it
again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is
near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer
and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if
anything is excellent or praise-worthy - think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me
- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

There is deep meaning in the above portion of scripture. There are so
many facets of revelation there. But I'll keep it simple.
My husband is in Florida at a Christian leadership conference with
several men from our church. He hadn't been gone any time at all
when the "fun" began! First of all, our youngest was all stuffy from
a cold. That's minor enough - no problem. She rested all day Monday
and as of this afternoon felt well enough (or at least convinced herself
she was well enough) to go to her afternoon dance classes (nope, no
snow or ice today... ;).
Last night on the way to take Katherine to dance class (remember
that Abigail was at home with a cold), my van started making a
strange noise. By the time I dropped Katherine off, drove to my
sister's house for a visit, then left to pick Katherine up, it was
obvious that there were serious problems with my brakes.
Why do these things happen when our husbands are gone?!
We don't make a deposit until Friday and we have enough for
some groceries and gas - no money there for brake repairs.
As I drove - making sure not to follow too closely - toward home,
I tried to decide what to do. Who could I call? My dad is also in FL,
so that wasn't an option. I decided to call my son Matthew, ask him
to meet me at our auto repair shop, then take us to the grocery store.
I also happened to remember that my mom had an extra car since
my dad isn't home - perfect!
Trying to make a long story short... I was unsettled over the van
repairs. Jeff called right when we got home and told me not to worry.
He said he'd call the repair shop and ask them to fix the van and see
if they'd be willing to wait for payment until he gets home on Friday.
He called back a little while later after having prayed and asked the Lord
for a word for me. Philippians 4:4-9 was the word. And it was right
on target.
I had already been thanking the Lord for His provision - telling Him
that I trusted Him - that I knew He knew our circumstances, etc.
Then I read to REJOICE!! ALWAYS, no less!!
Guess what? My van was fixed by 12:30 today. Someone from the
repair shop drove it home for me. AND they will gladly wait for
payment until Friday. The only sad part is that it will cost 500
whopping dollars! I'll need to tighten up the budget for February.
Whatever is true - truth is what happened was not serious. We're
all safe. We're all fine. We have everything (and more than) we need!

A Star's Death

On Tuesday night, my girls and I were out to dinner when one of them
asked me who Heath Ledger was. I said that he was an actor, then
asked why they wanted to know. My daughter said, "He's dead."
I said, "No way!" and turned around to look at the TV. Sure enough,
dead. Why would the death of a person I've never met so disturb me?
I mean, I know nothing about his life - nothing about who he really was.
I saw him when he acted in the movie A Knight's Tale.
I chose NOT to see him when he acted in Brokeback Mountain.
Who was this young man?
He was 28 years old, and as of Tuesday afternoon, he entered the rest
of eternity...
I wonder where he's spending the rest of his existence?
That's probably why I was so immediately disturbed.
We have every opportunity to make the choice to accept or reject
Jesus Christ - while on this earth.
Once death has come, no more choices are available to us.
What were his choices?
Where is he today?
I grieve to think...
More often than not, I'm concerned for the eternal destiny of those
around me. Yes, Christians sometimes become unconcerned
with the death of those around them.
Perhaps it's the fact that Jeff and I have been preparing to host
an Alpha course in our home. Alpha is a course designed to offer
a meal, then a "movie" that answers the questions that all of us
ask about life. Alpha presents the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a way
that those who are seeking may find the answers they've been
looking for.
Or maybe it was a cry I heard in my spirit, because the Spirit of God
was grieved at his death.
All I know is, I'm still upset over his death.
And I wonder - is anyone around him asking the same questions
about eternity?
Is there anyone there to comfort his family with true comfort; that
which comes from God?

A Day Off?

It may appear as if I'm filling up my blog all in one day
with post after post. The truth is I'm playing catch-up. I got the
idea to start a blog on Tuesday, and posted the two previous blogs
on my church's ladies' e-mail cafe.
I dedicate this next story to my friend Elaine, who has been praying
that it would snow so I could have a day off from life. Elaine, the Lord
answered - though not in the way you prayed.
We had icy roads in town yesterday, so I didn't leave the house at 9:00
like I was planning to - like I do every Tuesday.
I'm a mom who home schools her three children. Matthew is 17 - a
senior who is preparing to go away to college in August; Katherine is 15
- a sophomore; Abigail is 12 - 7th grade.
Both my girls dance at a local studio. So on Mondays, Tuesdays and
Thursdays, I'm Mrs. Taxi for them back and forth.
Katherine teaches dance at the studio all morning and early afternoon
on Tuesday. She also teaches two classes at our church on Wednesday
nights before youth meeting.
I lead worship in my church twice a month and have a Thursday night
practice for that.
What that means is I'm running Monday through Thursday with little
time for myself.
So Elaine prayed that we'd get some snow so I'd have a day off. She even
bought a tea-light candle holder for me that has the word "snow" at the back.
I joked with her asking if I should light the candles and pray at the "altar
of snow".
I guess I accidentally prayed at the "altar of ice"! All classes were
canceled yesterday, so the girls and I ate dinner out at Gondolier,
rented two movies and laughed ourselves silly (after my doctor appt.)
One movie, Sydney White, was sappy, silly, stupid, but a total crack-up!
The other one was not such a big hit with us - The Nanny Diaries.
It was a snoozer.

Premenopausal Health

Since last Friday, I've been experiencing moderate pressure,
discomfort and sometimes pain in my entire pelvic area.
I ran the check list - bladder infection?  No.  Yeast
infection?  Maybe, but this is not normal.  I wonder if
my uterus has finally decided to "flip out" on me?!
Sure enough.  I made an appointment with my ever faithful and
well-beloved Nurse Practitioner, for yesterday at 2:00.
She did a urine culture - no infection.  I was right.
She did an exam...
Maria, your cervix appears to be tilted and it also appears
from my examination that your uterus has flopped on its side
and is lying on top of your bladder.
I had wondered if that was indeed the kind of thing that was
happening.
After the exam, I was in more pain that ever - so I took some
Ibuprofen. I think we made things "angry" in there with the
exam.  My NP will be making an appointment for me at St.
Mary's North to have an ultrasound of the area to confirm what
she thinks is happening.  She has already made an appointment
for me with Dr. M.  The only problem is that the earliest they
could get me in is March 17th.  My first thoughts were -
you're telling me that I will feel this way for the next two
months?!  Lord, I need to get this stuff taken care of sooner,
please!  My NP offered me muscle relaxers - I don't know why
she offers, because she knows me well and even guesses at what
my response will be - "no thank you".
She said she knows there is a surgery where they can create a
sling to hold up the bladder, but she doesn't know if there is
such a thing for the uterus.  She said the only solution she
knows of is a hysterectomy.  I asked her if that
meant I could keep my ovaries and not go on hormones
(she knows how I feel about that too!).  She said that's
exactly what it means.  I expressed to her how nice it would be
to go ahead and end this pre-menopausal stuff if that was the
solution that looked best.
So Jamie, Angel, Mom, Ann - forgive me for not remembering
everyone - I may join you in the "missing parts" department soon.
My plan is to wait to see what appointment they get for me at
St. Mary's, then I'll be calling Dr. M and asking them to put
me on a cancellation list.
Please pray we can take care of this sooner.
If the pressure, discomfort, pain wasn't constant - I mean to
the point of keeping me awake at night - I'd wait.  I can't
imagine waiting 2 months...

The boy becomes a man

Yesterday was an adventure, wasn't it!
And all of you were there with me.
There in my disappointment.
There in my fears.
There in my reassurance.
Each of you took part in confirming and reassuring
me that the Lord has the heart of my son,
and I'm so thankful that I decided to be vulnerable
and share with you when my heart was hurting.
The Lord confirmed through all of you, as
well as through my devotional time with Him
that He is pruning Matthew's heart.
That is reassuring to his mom!
Liz, I love that you shared about your brother -
about the fact that he was probably secretly glad
that someone "caught" him.  You're right.
When we're doing what we know not to do,
we always feel guilty, hoping that someone will stop us.
But most of the time no person will stop us.  Most of the
time we struggle alone with the Lord over issues.
We want to be free, but we don't always see the way out.
Just so you know, the game Matthew was playing the last
couple of weeks was not an RPG, although he
admitted to us that he would still like to play them.
His dad and I told him last night that our convictions
differ on that.  Jeff, with my agreement, has
lifted the video game ban.  WHAT?!  You may be thinking
we're nuts. Well, the time has come for Matthew to start
being free to make more of his own choices.
There are still some things that are givens in this house.
He will keep his room clean, he will keep up with the
dishwasher, he will go to church (and he assured us that
would be no problem as he really wants to be there!), and
he will be kind to his family.
It's a stretching season for all of us as we let go of a boy
who is becoming a man.  The man will not look the way I think
he should look - not today, maybe not ever.
But will he look the way the Lord wants him to?
That is what I'll be praying for as Matthew learns to wrestle
things out for himself.
Will he go to Bryan College in August?  Yes, he will.
Will he succeed?  I pray he does!  I think he will.
Even with my heart shaking, I believe the Lord has said
this is the time and the season and the place that our
son is to be released to.
Is he totally ready?  Maybe not.
But will the Lord make him ready?  I have to believe He will.
Guess what?!  All of you remember that Matthew's job is
at Freedom in Christ Ministries.  As part of him working for
them, they are going to connect him with a mentor who will take
him through the 7 Steps of Freedom.  If that is not God's
timing, I don't know what is!  We've told him, and he's more
than ready, to initiate that with his boss today.  To let them
know he wants to begin that asap.  Jeff will even call and speak
with the office president if needed to get the proper paperwork
completed.
Since Matthew is not 18, we have to sign permission for
him to be mentored and taken through the counseling.
They have chosen a man in his 60's to mentor Matthew, and
we're SO excited about that!
It's all coming into place.
Will I still freak out from time to time?
Yes, I will.
Will you all calm me down and remind me of God's faithfulness?
Yes, I know you will!
Will Matthew be successful in his walk with God?
Absolutely!
Choosing trust,
Maria